#kind of depressing post im sorry

[wxxderbxrr]

don't tell me japan never thought of this at least ONCE in his lifetime.

bonus: germany getting concerned about japan's work ethic.

[redeliminator]

@strawbrygashez's post about andre going crazy to time is running out by muse got me thinking and I finally got slapped with an even worse afterthought.

I remembered another muse song, which perfectly encapsulates what I think might have been going through Andre's mind seconds before he pulled the trigger on himself.

the song is "thoughts of a dying atheist"

and I know you're in this room, I thought I heard you sigh floating in between where our worlds collide. (...) it scares the hell out of me and the end is all I can see (...) and I know the moment's near and there's nothing you can do look through a faithless eye are you afraid to die?

he IS afraid to die. it DOES scare the hell out of him. the end IS all he can see. and cal's words ARE floating between them as andre's initial escape plan collides head-on with cal's relentless wish to die.

andre didn't intend to die that day. he wasn't prepared. but he accepted the situation for what it was. he had to. he acknowledged that his plan to get out was a fool's game and so, his entire perspective turned upside down in a split second. the moment was near. there was nothing he could do.

maybe at the very end, when he felt the gun under his own chin, everything around them did go silent. he knew cal was still there, he heard his voice as he counted down the last seconds of their life, but it felt so distant. drowned out.

maybe the sigh he thought he heard was in fact the shot that ended it all.

[scary-friend]

Current Mood

it’s literally midnight but here I go

[ganondoodle]

seriously though ... how on earth do i get my motivation/focus back???????

its been so long that i have been struggeling with art and i just .... i want to stop wasting time, day after day i just sit around and mindlessly play stardew valley (wasted 800 hours into the darn game, its a good game but thats way too many hours!!!)

i was listening to the arcane songs bc some of the new ones were rly good but now after the disappointing finale i cant do that, and neither have the show in the background, the hurt is too fresh and im bitter, i cant find anything to put on for the background noise

i keep thinking about all the things i could achieve if i could just ... if i could just DO it, but no i sit around feeling like im about to cry and nothing seems appealing/fun, its not quite that strong depression ... but it feels alot like it, time moves so fast and years go by and i get nothing done

i dont know what to do .. or what to try anymore, im so tired of everything and just want to be able to do something

[solei-eclipse]

okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it

[sodaf]

being mentally ill is so cool

[daddyplasmius]

hand on my stupid heart flashbacks

this is a No One Knows AU & Full Hazmat AU where Danny ended up in the Ghost Zone & didn't go back into the human world initially because he thought he was dead. by the time he realized he is, in fact, at least half alive, he'd already been missing for at least 2 weeks. will probs never finish homsh sorry. i wrote this a couple years ago in a haze & just haven't been able to finish it because i can't replicate the style, which i find is what i love about this fic the most. it wouldn't be the same without it. posting the flashback introsーwhich are meant to be read between chapters/the actual plot, starting after chapter 1ーcuz fuck it. excuse typos & shit, i never properly edited it, as i forgot it existed immediately after i wrote it original description of homsh: Danny Fenton has officially been missing for over a year. Maddie & Jack Fenton refuse to give up on their son. Sick and tired of the police running them in circles, and the case getting colder by the day, the Fentons turn to their last resortーPhantom. 800~ words (full unfinished fic is 20k~)

-

When Danny woke up surrounded by thick, green fog, and couldn’t breathe without swallowing heavy air that was more like water than anything, he was sure he was dead. The portal glowed behind him, illuminating the pitch darkness around him in soft, yellow, warm light.

He almost went back.

Almost.

He was dead. His parents were ghost hunters. They had drilled into his head from the moment he was born that he could never, ever panic in death. That he would accept it. That he would not be scared. So he would be prepared to be brave in the face of death and would not become a ghost.

He panicked. He did not accept it. He was terrified. And so he woke up in the Ghost Zone.

-

Danny went back through the portal when he saw some ectopuses acting… strange. Like they had an idea in their heads. Like they had a plan.

Which was weird, with animal ghosts. He had only been in the Ghost Zoneーmom and dad called it that, he rememberedーfor a couple weeks. Or, he had already been there for two weeks. Or maybe time worked differently and he was there five minutes, or four years orー

The ectopuses went through the portal and, despite everything, Danny went after them.

While he was busy reeling at being home, the ectopuses immediately attacked dad. Danny was horrified. Jack was overwhelmed. Danny stepped in, in a moment fueled by sheer adrenaline and stupidity, snatching a Fenton Thermos™ off a shelf and releasing his shaky invisibility. The ectopuses didn’t stand a chance. And when they were safely in the Thermos, he slowly turned around to dad, ready for the confrontation. Ready for the “what happened to you?” and the “where have you been?” and the “we’ve missed you”.

Dad scrambled to shoot at him.

Danny fled.

His parents didn’t recognize him.

-

The Lunch Lady attacked when Danny was mourning Halloween.

He’d waited all year. He made a costume that summer. He wouldn’t get to go trick or treating with Sam and Tucker this year. Or any year. For the rest of his lifeーor existence. Whatever.

The Lunch Lady appeared in the school and demanded in straight fury, “Who changed the menu?”

Everyone pointed at Sam.

Danny hadn’t known just how powerful ghosts could be. His parents never told him the specifics. Just that they were dangerous.

This ghost grew and her aura hit him like a hurricane, almost physically pushing him back. It was so strong that the students in the Casper High cafeteria seemed to feel it too.

The Lunch Lady was a much harder opponent than the ectopuses. She levitated meat. She used it as a weapon, and seemed to bring it back to life. She created weird meat creatures that grew sharp teeth and claws out of bones. They were mindless, attacking everything that got too close to the ghost. Danny would have run away without hesitation, if Sam hadn’t been in the crossfire.

Danny fought the Lunch Lady. It was a long struggle, but he caught her in the thermos after over an hour. When he turned to Sam and Tuckerーboth of whom he had to save due to Tucker trying to jump into the fightーall three of them bloody and bruised, he cringed. But a part of him hoped. Desperately.

Surely they would know him on sight.

“Wh-what are you?” Sam gasped at him finally.

Danny flinched as if she had struck him. “J-just… your friendly neighbourhood phantom.”

-

Danny didn’t know what possessed him. Oh. Pun not intended.

He just barely caught the Fentons leaving in the GAV, dragging suitcases behind them. He couldn’t help himself. What on Earth were they doing?

They were going to Vlad Master’s mansion for their college reunion.

It was a whole thing. But something was off. Besides all the adults reminiscing about the 80’s.

Danny sensed ghosts immediately but he couldn’t see anything. Unfortunately for him, Vlad could also sense him. It was two days of Danny staying invisible, and Vladーthe halfa? Is that what Danny is?ーtrying to kill Jack. Somehow, Danny managed to fight off Vlad, not turn back, and without the Fentons getting hurt. His secret intact.

VladーPlasmius, also learned about Phantom. And Vlad hated him. The manーghostーwhatever, seemed to only care about one thingーpossession. Of money. Of things. Of people. He was more ghost than Danny had ever seen. Vlad’s obsession was overwhelming.

Danny couldn’t believe someone so much like himself could be so disturbing.

[garbachu]

OBVIOUS MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD BECAUSE IM A WEAK LITTLE BITCH WHO CANT DEAL WITH ENDINGS

so like... is there a way to finish the game without gortash dying because holy shit

because i lost all will to do lots of playthroughs on different characters like the regular ending/epilogue is shitty not fulfilling enough, but a durge one......

and my regular tav could not care less about gortash, he's a prick a tyrant sure let him perish

but if there's supposed to be so many choices, why isnt there a true evil choice where you can side with gortash/orin without them fucking dying a second later

IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME

and then you have the dark urge run where, dear god, if anything there should be a gortash ending, and im not even talking about romancing him, like for gods sake we 'started' (well...technically) this Plan so shouldn't there be an option to go full evil bastards with him????

like bruh i wanted to do a full durge run but now i don't want to finish the game on any other characters either because holy shit

[mitunatuna]

I don't think ive updated my lovely audience of about 60 people about what I'VE been UP TO!! well today

Right after I got home from school I was like

Oh joy! Homestuck time! And then it came to me

MAKE KANAYAS CHAINSAW AND STAY UP ALL NIGHT WORKING ON IT OR ELSE.

Soooo

I'm gonna be falling asleep during class tomorrow.., 😓☹️ totally worth it.

Next update on the chainsaw.. When I finish lmfao

OH AND DID I MENTION IT WORKS TOO?? TOTALLY SICK!

I'd be down for some more crafty suggestions!! (Lol mainly Homestuck or colorquest related since I'm an insufferable NERD.) Soo uhhhh

Suggest like uhm I dunno? Horns? Other props? Or maybe some accessories that some of the characters have? Or Kandi (I'm working on a nepeta cuff lol)

I've been wanting to make Kandi horns!! I might try to do that after I finish the chainsaw!

[theokusgallery]

This is Theoku, my OC I hadn't drawn since 2020

[serendipitous-mage]

......... who's gonna tell him ... .. ill do it @markiplier

[deadb0dyman]

i got a dartmoor off the bazaar. surprising nobody. because i like to collect things. Lol!.

shes called lady. and shes my life blood right now..no i diodnt cry over this virtual pony okay...i didnt do that....

the seal brown called to me and it told me i need to buy a gen 3 pony and it has to be the dartmoor my favourite pony. next im thinking a clyde.....maybe..... not sure... i want to get hanami (the hollow woods perch) too at some point

[iinryer]

.👇

[nutmeg-cider]

how to reconcile a lifetime of everyone building you an identity around being “the smart one” with the fact that you’re turning out to be the dysfunctional disappointment of the family

[caffeinatedopossum]

Now I just feel sick to my stomach... like thinking what if I get top surgery and it doesn't fix me? Obviously it's not going to fix me, why would I even think that. It's something I've wanted so badly for so long that I don't know what's going to happen afterwards. I have problems unrelated to this and they aren't going away any time soon.

I just already feel bad, like I don't deserve this. I didn't earn this. I feel like I'm supposed to be happy and excited and satisfied about it/after it... but what if I'm not? I'm not scared that I'm making a mistake or that this isn't something I want- I'm fully certain that is- I'm just scared that there's something inherently broken inside of me. Something that I don't deserve to complain about. Something that I don't deserve to involve other people in.

I feel like I should just be grateful but what if I can't be? Is that justified or am I a bad person? I know that I want this more than I think I've ever wanted any single thing for myself... but what if it isn't even worth it? What if nothing ever is

[ray-kitty]

ae. hi. sorry. i know i never post. anyway heres me posting some melodramatic lonely shit. might delete later but ultimately this is my personal blog so i can do what i want

idk how people make friends irl after school has ended. i used to have so many, and now i literally dont speak to any of them. i got cut off completely from everyone in my life bc of covid, and i don't use any social media really besides tiktok and kind of tumblr sometimes so i don't even super have a way of contacting people even if i WAS brave... but it's been almost 4 years now with not seeing anyone so i feel like i shouldnt even bother. im terrified to reach out to anyone despite them once being my closest friends. what if i'm a bother? what if they don't really want to see me? what if they're angry i was too afraid to put in the effort before? my mind tells me everyone i loved never cared for me as much as i did them, because surely if they did they would have thought of me, too- but that's just my mind being cruel to me. i know people just drift apart, this was just instant, is all, i guess. everyone i knew has gone on to have lives while i've practically become a hermit. i used to be so active and would go to cons and visit people and go out and have fun and now i've never been so lonely. it makes me feel so pathetic. i always thought i'd be friends forever- what do i do now that i've got no one?